A Gringa Growing Older in Paradise
I started to write an article about a recent experience I had with an American woman who made me feel, for the first time in my life, invisible. By invisible I mean discarded, discounted, unimportant, disrespected, just plain unimportant and in the way – in other words, without value. Then I realized that this is a phenomenon I have read about that old people acknowledge feeling in the States. It is like we never worked, are clueless and nothing we did matters. The people who treat us this way have no clue how hard we worked, how many lines we crossed and how much each of us, especially women, chiseled at that glass ceiling so others after us would not have to.
I said I was going to write about that except what is the point? Those people are not going to change, nothing I say or write is going to matter to them. Instead, I decided to write about the wonderful experience of living and slowly being accepted in a culture that feels so different about their aging population – Mexico! The relationships we have formed in such a short time, and, may I add, during a global pandemic, have been truly special. I prefer to focus on the positive the world holds and the blessings, however small.
In 2019, we chose Puerto Aventuras - which, admittedly is not the “real” Mexico - as our place to retire. Yes, this is a paradise, but of those there are many around the world. We came here for the people, both for those we had already developed relationships with over the last 20+ years of visiting, and for those who we had yet to meet. Some friends live here full time others come regularly. Each of those people played a huge role in us choosing here. Why circle the globe looking for a new place to retire when we could choose one already equipped with good friends?! During those 20 years it was hard to spend quality time with these friends because we were all working. How great it is now and will continue to be as our schedules allow more time together. The amazing thing is how well our decision has paid off! We are looking forward to even more great times once we are truly free to roam again, post Covid.
What has been an unexpected source of joy are the new friends who have entered our lives. Covid forced us to operate in small pods, which is like using a pressure cooker, in that things get done much more quickly. Our pod of friends, fortunately, had hours to chat and get to know each other. Our small group is diverse in terms of ages, backgrounds, cultures and countries of origin. What we all have in common is a genuine respect for one another, what makes us different and what surprisingly makes us the same.
Comparing our stories with Mexican friends who a have never traveled to the USA, we both realize as different as we are, we actually have much more in common. There is one thing, though, that stands out as a major difference between the two cultures: what we do with our aging population. As we talk more, we realize the change is a fairly recent socio-economic phenomenon in America. It wasn’t always like it is now. If you look around Mexico, even in retirement communities with large numbers of expats, you will not find the institutional, assisted-living campuses. In the States it is becoming more and more common for seniors to, at some point in their lives, accept the fact that they should find their retirement home and quietly move into “God’s Waiting Room.” I believe this is, in part, why in our society seniors are becoming invisible.
In one conversation, a Mexican friend pointed out that in the USA personal rights and freedoms are the number one, most important thing. In Mexico, and many other parts of the world, that is not the case; rights are much more a community and not an individual thing. The needs of one doesn’t trump the needs of the many. For this reason, it is unimaginable to send an aging family member to live out the final days without family surrounding that person.
Covid, as I have written about before, has also allowed us to see how communities here operate and care for one another. In the US books are written every day about how it takes a village, but here, there is no need for a how-to guide. It just is!
Another amazing thing we learned living here in the tropics is that we ALL have an innate need to connect with nature. When you don’t exist in a climate-controlled environment, you are more aware of the subtle changes in weather. When you live on and around the water you become more aware of the strength and power of nature’s forces. But more importantly, I realize we all need to be closer to nature. I don’t even know how to describe it, being closer to nature is somehow a pure sense of spirituality. For me, I smile more when I am on the water. My mind wanders to more positive places when I walk along the beach, taking in a cleaner, healthier breath. For so many people, their lives have too many layers. Layers that separate them from nature itself. Cultures and societies, in my opinion, are greatest, not when they become more “civilized,” but when they prompt and encourage each member to take the time to appreciate each and everyone’s place in the universe and thus contemplate the vastness of this universe. When we take the time to do that, it is easy to see the value and worth of others.
So, as I sit here, on this very rainy day, stuck inside, I thank God it is a temporary state and soon I will be back giggling in my kayak with a good friend. Snorkeling with friends on a coral head, in a bay with no other boats. Laughing on the dock with a cocktail in hand as the tour boats parade by. Walking Manito to visit his dolphin buddies. Or spending a little time teaching a friend’s grandson to swim. All of which is just a small piece of my wonderful new life! Life is good! Find your paradise.